A Month After


I was sitting on Kuta Beach all alone. I was running with Gojek to catch the sunset, but it was too late. By the time I got there, the sun was gone, vanished behind the cloud. I hate that cloud for stealing my sun.

I was calling your name. We could enjoy this freaky and dirty beach together. It is freaky as a man approached me and without even saying, ‘sorry can I sit next to you,’ or any polite words, he just sat there and tried to make a conversation with me.  I was thinking of you and imagine you are the one who sat next to me. That man did two bad things; he was annoyed me time and he was sitting on your spot!

And yes, Kuta is always known as a dirty beach as the stupid tourists and locals just littering there. Plastic bottles are everywhere, not to mention the cigarette butts! Nevertheless, strangely, I always come back to this beach. Somehow, I just like this beach with its freaky and dirty way  to entertain me.. as you always say, I am a weirdo J wait damn, why I sound like a bitch… freaky and dirty entertain hahaha

If you said I am a weird, remember what Juan and Joao said… It is no surprise if I keep having a strange and weird thing in life as I am a weirdo. I never wanted to live in Bali, because it is an expensive place and too touristic for me. It was you who wanted to stay and work from here.

A month after you gone, I am here… living in your dream, as I took the opportunity to live and work here for a year. Since I got here three days ago, I keep calling your name. I miss you every second and somehow Bali has brings you alive again. I wonder if you were here on this freaky dirty beach, maybe you were.

Do you think I am crazy? Maybe I am… and I don’t mind. I will not expect anyone to understand how difficult it is for me to accept the fact that you are gone. For me, you are immortal in my heart and my writing. I wish I am as smart as that girl who invented a virtual monument for her best friend who died so that she can keep talking to him.

I am talking to you and I can always imagine how you respond with a goofy smile and deep voice with a certain intonation that stuck in my brain. I was afraid that I might forget your voice, but I don’t think I can forget. Your voice is there, in my head. However, I am worry of forgetting your smell but your brother had given me your perfume brand… you! that is a very expensive brand! Damn…

A month after…

How are you out there? Are you happy? Do you have a good weirdo friend like me?

I am fine, trying hard to accept the fact that you are gone. I miss you! mostly your huge hug that almost breaks my glasses!

‘Oh Nita, what am I going to do without you?!,’ you always said that while you were hugging me. Look… look… look how am I doing without YOU! it is hard but I will be okay, no worries.

I promise to live my life here in Bali happily! for you…



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