Monthly Archives: September 2016

London is You!


Hossein said, you are not the queen of the library, Nita. You are the library. You are utterly blended with the library! On the chair, the table, the wall, the books!

It is so beautiful and surreal which is will be good for my next novel. Thanks Hossein, my dearest friend. However, the same thing happens with you and London. For me, you are London itself. You are blended with London. Every corner of London reminds me of you. Suddenly God is running out of ideas of creating people faces because all I can see is you! I was half running at Oxford Street because I was following your smell. My brain keeps playing memories of ours in every street, every line, every building we passed, every restaurant we stopped and ate. You were in every moment I spend in London.

My time in London ended yesterday with your funeral.

I said goodbye the Trafalgar square, Canada House, Topman, Convent Garden, Oxford Circus, Oxford Street. As my 453 stopped on the Parliament Square and the bridge, I heard you say, ‘have you tried the London Eye? I did in 2009. It’s okay if you haven’t. It was not that amazing anyway.’ I said goodbye to London Eye and Southbank with tears.

How did you expect me to enjoy London when you were not here anymore! A whole year we spent, those amazing adventures in London was with you.

‘Don’t you just love London, Nita? The city that allows you to be yourself, give you freedom to do whatever. Sad we are not rich, we couldn’t enjoy London as much as we want. This city is overwhelming for a student like us!’

I enjoyed London because there are friends with me, and one of the amazing friends was You! Everyone is leaving eventually, and you left already! But the memories will stay forever.  You introduced London to me, as like you helped me to find myself. I found myself and you are part of me.

I got the best of London!

I enjoyed five plays; Hamlet, Harry Potter, 1984. Two of them were with you at Goldsmiths. One is the open air play.

I enjoyed two concerts: 2Cellos and Hozier. Oh and the free jazz festival at Royal Hall Southbank

I went to places; Peak District, Oxford (you once said the place will be such a boring place to live in), Brighton, Kent, Margate, Dorset, Portsmouth, Leeds and you were eager to listen to all the adventures I had there.

You took me to the fancy private club for movies screening, book review or just chillin’ inside. ‘How come you always look good with the fancy outfit and I am not?!’ and you replied,’ who cares about the look! You can wear anything that makes you comfort. And you look fine! Okay!’

I had friends from all over the world. One big family that just lost one of its members L

I went to the gay club! Woohoo… it was fun! Then the Nottinghill Carnival J

I tried all the transportations mode London has – train, tram, cable car, a ferry and busses.

Of course, I got the best course, best supervisor, best classmates I could ever ask for.

My life has been amazingly wonderful this year and the best part of it is to have you as my friend! I miss you a lot, every day! Saying goodbye in front of your coffin was the hardest thing to do after my dad 2003.

My time in London is up. I am going home within hours.

Yesterday, I was walking to your funeral wearing my best dress. The dress for my engagement day, then on the day I heard that you passed away and yesterday on your funeral. I felt like Bridget Jones on Daniel Cleaver (Hugh Grant) funeral that turned to be a fake one.

You don’t know how much I wanted to be the same, that it was just a fake death, that our life is just a movie where in the end everyone is still alive. And if it is all just a dream, it was a beautiful dream and I will wake up, and everything will be just fine.

This year has been so surreal for me, so wonderful, so amazing and tomorrow my real life will wake me up and I know I will never be the same person. I will be a better one.



Two Weeks After and Days Before


It has been two weeks since you were officially left this world. I slowly accept the fact that you are not here physically. My eyes no longer are swollen because of tears, yet tears keep coming anytime I miss you and it happens every single day 🙂 okay… yeah… but tears don’t swell my eyes anymore. I know you hate my tears, such a weepy girl while you believe I am the stronger one. But hey, I can do whatever since I am an adult right. You no longer can ‘order’ me what to do J it is our little secret convo.

I got so much love from my friends and your friends and then they become my friends too. So my friends are doubled now. Amazingly some of new friends I have now are those who had been seeing us many times in the library, admiring our silly, funny and lovely friendship. They smiled to our random jokes, secretly. ‘I wish I knew you two earlier.’ There is always someone who gives me a hug whenever I am in the library or around the uni. ‘I am sorry for your lost. I hope you feel better now.’

Amna lovely said,’ maybe that’s how Jon is trying to show loves to you. That you are not alone and you are loved.’

It doesn’t matter why, how and when you passed away. I know you are happy and you finally got your own liberation day. For it, I envy you. We will reunion in the next life. Then I am going to tell you that there is a new student who has a glance like you with his nice hair, trimmed beard, a nice outfit, his smile just like yours. I thought I saw a ghost… then I know he is for real. I hope he will also bring the sunshine to the library and the whole campus.

I met your parents last night. Once your father saw me, I jumped to his hug and cried and cried and cried. I told him everything that made my heart so heavy in the past two weeks. He cried and cried. I made his suits wet. At the same time, I feel so peace on his hug, it feels like I am hugging own beloved dad and how I miss him so much.  Your parents so amazed to see how much you were being loved by so many people that their heart touched by you.

On your last birthday, 23 July, you wanted a quiet birthday because you wanted to save the big party for September when everyone is done with the dissertation and final project. I suddenly cried because this is not exactly the ‘party’ that you expected.

Days before my flight home, I decided to revisit the memories of ours and remembering every line we spoke. And writing about you is my way to keep you immortal and make peace with myself. I am thankful for every moment that we shared, again and again. I learn to appreciate friendship more than ever and as the time teach us who is your real friend and who’s not.

Bridget Jones’s Baby – Just Another Shitty Fairy Tale


So Bridget slept with two men in 24 hours on her day. She got pregnant then told those guys about it. She wanted to know who’s the father.

In reality

Man will be like; shock, eyes popped out, panicking. The words that will come from his mouth will be – are you sure it is mine? Are you sure you are ready to be a mom because I am not ready to be a dad. Then some of these guys will come with the idea, abortion, or just run and never return…

In Bridget Jones

Both are shock, for a while. And in a minute or two both are happy… tarrraaaa…. Jack suddenly feels like he wanted to spoils Bridget, asked her for a proper second date, offering her to move together with him and ready to have a family with her. Mr. Darcy – my lovely Mr.Darcy, so happy, finally after 10 years, he met with her, slept with her and got a baby… yeiiihaaa…

Then both after all the argument, funny stuff, agreed to spoil Bridget, because what most important is the baby…

My point will be….

This is a disappointing movie! I thought Bridget will be my idol, representing a very independent woman, enjoying her freedom and sex! However, she is just an old woman who afraid to be alone and need those men to save her fucking life!

‘Knight with shining armour is never exist,’ she said… then Mr. Darcy appeared to save her!… what the…

The whole idea of being independent to raise the baby by herself is never exist! And in the end, she married to Mr.Darcy and Jack become the godfather of the baby… both of those men become a good friend…

A fairy tale… tarraaa.. too good to be true

Your body is your choice, so if you want to have the baby, do you really necessary looking for the father to share the burden (if it’s not a happy one) and marry the guy?

My friend once said… I don’t want him to marry me just because I have his baby. I want him to marry me because of me!

I just read randomly one of the piece of Prof Sean Cubbit about Eco-Media, referring to Immanuel Kant, he said, fiction is real when it touches the experience…. Well maybe just maybe, Bridget Jones’s Baby indeed is based on someone’s experience… how lucky she is!

Sorry to be a spoiler this time.. I just so disappointed… but maybe, you should just watch without over thinking like me:-)


Dear Jon


You chose me among others to be your closest friend, kept your secrets, shared your worries, and your dreams. Thank you!

You called me weird, stubborn, crazy and annoying – with thousands of random questions that came in sudden and yet you answered them patiently. Yet you stood next to me because it would be interesting to watch and be part of what the next craziest thing that I would make in life, you said.

You believe in me to be strong, powerful yet bring change to girls in Indonesia, on the bigger stage, a politician, even a president. While I might said… amiin to all those things and laughed!

You believe that my very basic talents of arts will come to something in the end. A popular novelist and you will make a movie out of me, “Roshita, In time… A life that has to rhyme.”

‘Do you think I am beautiful?’

‘Do you need my confirmation?’


‘There you go!

You also can be so annoying! Made me mad with your sarcasm yet, I know those did not come from your heart. You just love to see my ‘angry’ face!

I lost words, Jon.

They said people don’t meet each other by accident. There is always a reason and a lesson. I don’t know about the reason. However, it is a shitty thing that I have learnt a lesson from you once you were away! I know it is your fate, but you don’t need to passed away just to give me a lesson of life. You did that already! You gave me so much in life! You changed my life, me! You gave me love!

Dear Jon

It has been utterly an empty week, an empty heart. My Whatsapp no longer send me your text just to say ‘Are you OK?’ like you did every single day in the past 330 days in London.

Remember you said that the Library should dedicate one of the chairs by my name since I am the queen? Look who’s staying? I see your face on every chair, every corner and every face that I meet here in the Library. I see you in every corner of New Cross, on X- bus stop that you always took to Convent Garden, the 172 Bus!

I almost called Hossein and Joao with your name when we talked. I tear when I see Haribo, and all the sweets you always ate. Chick chicken no longer a fun place to eat.

I miss you

I miss you so MUCH that my heart can’t bear to hold.

I don’t want to cry because you hate it! let’s  just singing your song, our song… I know what I want, what I really really want… I wanna.. I wanna… Aaah aah ahh…

Thank you for coming into my life! You will stay forever in my heart!




Welcome New Student – Things That They Might Missed to Tell You is How Stress Can Actually Kill You!


Being a new student in a foreign country is not easy. You need to adapt the whole new things and yet won’t have much time to do it, since everything comes in one package, one time. You will have to face new weather, new culture, rules, friends from various background, and most of all, your study. Your study requires your focus in 20 weeks of class, thousands of words of essays, projects, exams and or dissertations.

I am not saying this to frighten you. It is the fact that you need to face over the year and people handle their stress in their own way. No one have a right to say that you are weaker than other; you are too spoiled or less independent. People need different time to adapt everything and a year is too short to really adapt everything. However, embracing each moment as much as you can help.

Students that committed suicide are not surprising news. Each campus has their own psychologist to help you to face your stress, use them! Make friends, and talk to them. They might not help you physically, but by talking and sharing your worries might also help. Find a friend who ready to listen and not just them who talk J not easy.. tell ya.. hahaha and if you need more time to finish your task in study, ask one!!

Don’t play strong, please. Cry if you want, angry if you wish, shout if you please. Just don’t hide your emotion and keep them to yourself. Write a blog to shout your thoughts. Do anything that you wish to reduce your stress.

I know how different it is from our culture – especially if you are from Asia, where you are not you,  how you used being controlled by your society. Here you just have to be yourself! Enjoy your freedom, embrace it, find the new or the real YOU!

I just lost my best friend who worried so much about life and I have tried my best to help him, maybe not tried enough. It really hurts to find someone you care passed away and one of the reason was because of their stress.

I am here, as a friend, ready with my ear to listen to you. But I guess, no one can help you from your stress but yourself. Take your time!


Dine In or Take Away for 10p – How to decide the charge?


At the Lebanese restaurant near the uni, they charge more if you dine in. their excuse is for the service charge to serve and clean the dishes. It is also applied to Costa- maybe the largest chain coffee shop in UK at the moment. They are charging you more for dine in. However, I am at out the brew, a coffee shop and their charge more for those who take away. While in the library café, you will get 15p discount if you bring your own cup…

Here is my thought.

In Indonesia, we don’t charge more to those who will take away or dine in. Every kind of services are already on their calculation. In fact, Starbucks for example will give discount to those who bring their own cup.

Environmental cost

It is great and must get appreciation to those people who care about the environment by bringing their own coffee cup and dine in! they don’t liter the environment with plastic cup or Styrofoam, which I have seen as a huge issue here in London particularly. Most of the restaurants in New Cross for example, are given away the Styrofoam easily to the customer who takes away their food. Some of them give a plastic box although they are refused to take the empty box back to reuse it.

So when Out of the Brew charge more to you who take away, it makes me love this café even more. They don’t want the customer liter the plastic cup and bring bad impact to the environment. Put it in the economic point of view; by making the customer to dine in, it actually open the opportunity for them to order more. And they are only served coffee in the ceramic cup and glass, not a plastic one.

There are 2.5billion coffee cup a year on the recycle bin (BBC, 2006) horray!! So if your customer chose to dine in, served them without more cost!

Cleaning cost

Seriously! With or without people dine in or take away, you still need to clean everything, restaurant still put ‘service charge’ on the bill. Should it already on your cost of production before your sell the product? If I much consider about the charge, I prefer to take a take away service every time I go to a café or restaurant, it cost me less than dine in of course. But I wish I don’t have to, unless I am in a hurry. I prefer to sit, eat or drink and enjoy my time at the café.

In this case, yes, I think you should charge more to those who take away their food rather than those who Dine In. For the sake of the environment, stop littering!


Me and Out of the Brew


On one of those days when I had a really bad feeling about myself and my choices in life

‘I think I made a mistake by coming here to London. I feel so selfish to keep pursuing my dream without considering others feeling.’

‘Others? Who?’

‘Mom’s, my sister and brother, Zi, my coworkers, my fiancé.’

‘Oh common… this is your life. You deserve to be here, you have completely right to pursue your own dream. You will be a better person after this.’ Said Jon my dearest friend.

I didn’t reply to his message for sometimes.

‘Are you alright? Do you want to talk about it?

‘No, I am not alright. I wanna cry. But I don’t want to talk about it now.’

Instead of coming to the library like I always did every single day during the course, I ran to this cute little blue café nearby, Out Of The Brew. The café that made me fell in love with the cake for the first time in life, their Robusta that keep  me awake and the music as I consider as the food of love in life. I love this place and I needed to be around with the things that I love…

otb02And guess what,  friends, my good friends, people that I love in this city were there too. Just exactly what I need…without any notice, everyone was there. There was Ivana, Paroan and of course Jon!

‘What are you doing here?’

‘I was planning to hide myself from everyone, hahaha.’

‘You choose the wrong place to hide!! We are all love this place!’

Here I am again. Few days before my flight back to Indonesia, I am back here at Out of the Brew. But this time, no one around, just me! I miss all of them and all the talk, deep and shallow one, who cares. I just miss you guys!!

I just made goodbye become the hardest thing to say did I hahaha… in Bahasa Indonesia we call it BAPER… kebawa perasaan… feeling attached!




Me and the Box of Memories


It was a sunny day and I locked in my room since I had to wait for an empty box from Trico, the shipping company. For a month I was so sure that 40 kilograms of baggage is enough to bring everything, books, jackets, shoes and clothes. Then few days ago, I realize my suitcase was already 28kg full of books and I started to panic! Call the shipping company… the empty box was never arrive

At 2.30 pm, I called them and they said ‘Oh I am so sorry, your order is not on the system.’ So I decided to collect the empty box myself! I need to get out of my room anyway… it was sunny!

I took the train, change three times before got on the bus to the Haringey football field, on the North of London while I live in the South East. So it was a trip across London. The box is not small! It took a while before decided to took busses all the way to home.

I always wanted to go on bus-hopping but never across my mind to do it with a company of an empty box. People are looking at me, tried hard to pull myself together with the box whenever the wind blow to big. It took us – me and the box- on 4 busses, from Haringay to Finsbury Park Station to Picadilly Circus to Marquis of Granby to Charlton my home. In total, it took 5 hours return trip! 5 fucking hour man! I can be in a different city in Europe hahaha… but nope it was just me and the box that soon will be full with my memories of London!

Then the packing started!

That empty box started to fill in, with books, lots of books, then my scarfs, jackets, socks, boots, sleeping bags, winter clothes and Sherlock Holmes together with Banksy on the very top.


Tears! So emotional it is. How time flies! A year ago, tears for leaving my family and love one in Jakarta. Tonight, tears for everything I have here, friendship, freedom and lovely experiences in London. I am in love with this city. I know I am going home to my mom and soon will be busy with works and friends, but London shall stay in my memories forever. I am pretty sure that I will come back here one day! Aaahhh I miss London already… damn damn…


Review: Harry Potter and The Cursed Child – The Play


I would not spoil anything, promise. That is why I am going to write my review in Bahasa Indonesia as my readers mostly in Indonesia and we don’t have the play there… fair enough right?!

Sederet penonton perempuan di belakang saya berisik sekali mengomentari bagian pertama The Play dari Harry Potter and The Cursed Child. Mereka bilang karakternya berbeda dengan buku Harry Potter terakhir, seharusnya si A begini dan begitu.

Harry Potter hadir dalam tiga medium berbeda, buku, film dan sekarang teater atau kami menyebutnya di sini dengan The Play. Tiga medium ini punya keleluasaan untuk menintepretasikan isi buku- sebagai induknya dengan cara yang berbeda. Bayangkan kalau 500 halaman buku harus diterjemahkan dalam 3 jam film dan 6 jam teater yang dibagi dalam dua bagian. Tentu ada bagian yang harus dibuang dan yang didahulukan. Buat saya yang membaca semua edisi buku Harry Potter – kecuali yang terakhir ini, menonton semua film Harry Potter dan puncaknya malam ini adalah nonton the play Harry Potter, semuanya menarik dengan caranya masing-masing. Kalau saya boleh merunutkan mana yang lebih enjoyable, maka pertama tetap buku (karena itu merasa harus beli edisi terakhir), the play dan terakhir filmnya.

Harry Potter and The Cursed Child masih seperti edisi sebelumnya, bicara tentang persahabatan tapi kali ini lebih kompleks karena Harry Potter ada di usia 40 yang ketakutan menghadapi kenyataan sebagai ayah bagi anak tengahnya yang ‘pembangkang.’ Albus Severus Potter, berada di belakang bayang-bayang nama besar Harry Potter yang terkenal sebagai penyelamat, pahlawan yang berhasil mengalahkan Voldemort.

‘We can’t choose our relatives,’ kata gadis berambut perak kepada Albus, yang merasa tidak akan pernah bisa mengikuti jejak ayahnya sebagai penyihir hebat. Albus tidak pandai berkawan dibanding kakaknya James Potter atau adiknya Lily Potter. Lalu bertemulah Albus dengan Scorpius Malfoy yang kemudian menjadi sahabat. Seperti Albus, Scorpius juga bermasalah dengan nama buruk Malfoy yang disandangnya, karena ayahnya Draco Malfoy dekat dengan kekuatan jahat Voldemort.

Cerita kemudian berkembang ketika Albus ingin menulis ulang sejarah, membebaskan ayahnya dari rasa bersalah karena tidak bisa menyelamatkan Cedric yang mati di tangan Voldemort. Albus jatuh cinta pada gadis berambut perak yang mengaku sebagai keponakan Cedric yang kemudian berhasil membujuk Albus untuk mencuri mesin waktu, menyelamatkan Cedric. Albus mengajak Scorpius dalam petualangan menjelajah mesin waktu saat Cedric bertanding menghadapi Harry belasan tahun sebelumnya. Menulis ulang sejarah sama artinya dengan mengubah masa kini dan masa depan. Beberapa kali mendapati kenyataan penyelamatan Cedric mengakibatkan Harry Potter mati, Scorpius Malfoy menjadi raja Scorpion dan Draco Malfoy sebagai Perdana Menteri, kekuatan hitam menang.

Ini cerita reuni ketika para karakter yang telah meninggal dihidupkan kembali, Scorpius bertemu Severus Snape yang membantunya menyelamatkan Albus dan Harry Potter bercakap dengan Prof.Dambeldore lewat lukisan. Ibunda Lily dan Harry Potter dihidupkan kembali.

Cerita tentu berakhir bahagia dan saya tidak akan secara rinci menggambarkan kejadiannya. Bagian ketika Harry Potter dan Draco Malfoy akhirnya berkawan karena anak-anak mereka bersahabat juga menarik. Harry bilang, ‘look at us, while we are so busy rewriting the past, we forget to give present to our children.’ Perseteruan orang tua tak bisa memisahkan persahabatan anak-anak mereka, bahkan ketika Harry mengancam Minerva yang menjadi kepala sekolah Hogwarts untuk mengawasi Albus dan Scorpius agar tidak bersama.

Kamu bisa membaca isi buku untuk cerita lengkapnya karena saya akan pindah tema untuk mengomentari tata panggung dan para pemain di atasnya.

Telegraph bilang, ini adalah sihir yang menjadi kenyataan. Lah iya, seperti nonton sulap di atas panggung, kami dibuat terkagum-kagum. Ingat lift khusus menuju kementerian sihir yang berupa telepon umum? Harry Potter menghilang di dalam telepon umum itu, di depan penonton! Lalu mesin waktu bergerak, cahaya berubah, jam berubah dan penonton merasa seperti ikut pindah ke waktu berbeda. Ketika the Death Eater melayang-layang di atas panggung, salah satunya terbang ke arah penonton di atas balkon tempat saya duduk dan disambut dengan jeritan. Atau ketika prophecy atau ramalam tentang kebangkitan Voldemort diproyeksi ke seluruh ruangan teater dan penonton bisa ikut membacanya keras-keras. Belum lagi kilatan cahaya dari tongkat ketika mereka mengucap mantra. Ketika pollyjouice mengubah seseorang menjadi orang yang berbeda, pergantian pemain terjadi begitu cepat, seperti berubah sungguhan di depan mata. Sempurna! Tata panggung yang luar biasa membuat cerita sihir ini beneran hidup.

Lalu soal pemain teaternya. Buat saya tiga karakter yang stunning aka juara adalah Harry Potter yang dimainkan oleh James Parker, Scorpius Malfoy yang diperankan oleh Anthony Boyle dan Albus Severus Potter oleh Sam Clemett. Ketiganya berhasil menampilkan permainan yang luar biasa. Harry dan Albus yang penuh emosi dan penuh penjiwaan, Scorpius yang gugup, cerdas dan saat bersamaan juga humoris. Saya sih merasa Anthony Boyle akan menjadi Benedict Cumberbatch berikutnya, cara dia menguasai karakter, melanturkan percakapan dengan intonasi naik turun dan suara yang berbeda tone dalam satu kali kesempatan yang kadang dalam tempo yang sangat cepat adalah luar biasa.

Musik dan kostum… sudahlah ya… empat jempol…

Tapi yang bikin saya bingung, JK Rowling sebenarnya menyasar siapakah dengan cerita Harry Potter kali ini? sebagai pembaca setia Harry Potter, saya tidak bisa bilang sama ponakan saya Zi yang baru delapan tahun bahwa Harry Potter adalah cerita anak-anak yang luar biasa. It was, di edisi tiga pertama saat Harry baru masuk Hogwarts. Tapi mengikuti Harry di usia remaja, belum bisa jadi konsumsi Zi. Apalagi di edisi terakhir ini, Harry Potter usianya 40 tahun, bahkan lebih tua dari saya  hari ini, anaknya aja udah remaja, cuma orang tua yang mengerti betapa galaunya Harry menghadapi Albus. Maka tidak aneh juga kalau hari ini teman nonton saya lebih banyak yang seumuran, yang mengikuti Harry Potter sejak 1997. Ketika Ron dan Hermione bercanda buat bikin anak lagi, dua remaja tanggung di sebelah saya boro-boro senyum, salah satunya malah menguap.

Harry Potter and The Cursed Child ini adalah salah satu play- teater yang tiketnya sudah ludes sejak tahun lalu. Tiket saya dibeli dengan harga 30 poundsterling, Oktober 2015 oleh Fadilah kawan saya di Goldsmiths. Tadinya sempet terpikir untuk dijual, lumayan duitnya buat tambahan kirim paket barang pulang ke Indonesia. Untungnya tidak jadi dijual, bagaimana pun pengalaman menonton teater di London apalagi untuk cerita yang ditunggu banyak orang kayak begini, adalah pengalaman yang luar biasa, tak terlupakan dan tidak tergantikan dengan uang. Bahkan kalau rezeki masih milik saya, bolehlah kiranya mengirimkan doa, pengen nonton sekali lagi. Amiiin


Kehidupan setelah disertasi – sebuah rangkuman #mycheveningjourney #cheveningmemories


Setahun itu seperti cahaya yang menghilang dalam sekejap mata dan pergi meninggalkan kenangan berjuta. Pengalaman yang berkesan seumur hidup, antara keringat, tangis, amarah, tawa, kesal yang berjubal di dada, semua hilang dalam 81 halaman disertasi yang diserahkan Jumat sore 26 Agustus 2016 lalu.

Saya menikmati setiap menit perjuangannya, malam-malam tanpa tidur, membaca tumpukan buku sampai beler, menulis sampai jemari kebas dan pulpen yang berbatang habis tinta dan lembar-lembar kertas sampai kusut karena dibolakbalik dan dibaca ulang. Bersaing dengan waktu dan tenaga yang tak lagi muda, untunglah semangat mengalahkan semua kesumat yang membebat langkah. Saya bisa melewati ini semua. I did it!

It is worth every single drop of tears, sweat and a heartbeat!

‘Ini gila!’ kata Hosein teman saya, ‘semua orang mengejar nilai sempurna – distinction dan gue Cuma pengen lulus.’

Tapi menurut saya, dia juga akan lulus dengan distinction… saya yang tidak… paling tidak sedikit saja berharap untuk bisa lulus dengan merit (di atas angka 60) cukup buat saya.

Bagaimana pun pencapaian terbesar menurut saya bukan pada angka di atas kertas sertifikat, tapi bisa hari ini tersenyum dan waras setelah satu tahun, adalah luar biasa. Melewati roller coaster perasaan- patah hati, kangen rumah, kesepian, putus asa tidak bisa ngerti teori, sampai panic kehabisan uang saku bulanan- adalah luar biasa. Lalu karena perbedaan budaya, kebiasaan sampai makanan membuat saya kehilangan 14 kilogram berat badan, sampai jeans bisa melorot tanpa harus lepas kancing, adalah pencapaian. Membiasakan jalan kaki setiap hari, berjam-jam, berkilo-kilo meter sampai 3 pasang sepatu kehilangan alasnya, lalu jantung saya tak lagi mau copot kalau harus turun naik tangga, adalah luar  biasa. Dua buku sketsa besar untuk menggambar lanskap dan satu buku untuk gambar manusia, ditambah delapan lembar A3 gambar awal saya yang menggunakan model, adalah pencapaian. Saya belajar ‘ngartis’ mengasah bakat seni yang datang tetiba karena lingkungan sekitar saya adalah para seniman. Hampir setiap hari berada di surga bernama perpustakaan adalah mimpi yang jadi kenyataan. Muncul tiga kali dalam film kawan adalah pencapaian karena sejak SD saya ingin belajar teater dan cinematography. Bertemu Benedict Cumberbatch dan ngobrol dengan Hugh Grant adalah bonus dari semua keajaiban yang saya dapat di sini.

Nikmat semesta mana yang bisa saya pungkiri dari semua hal yang saya alami di sini… Bertemu dengan teman-teman yang luar biasa kaya dengan ilmu dan pengalaman juga budaya yang berbeda, berada di keluarga Tobin yang sangat hangat adalah rahmat. Semesta sungguh baik hati.

Semuanya mengerucut menjadi semangat yang berwujud disertasi dan lalu dia pergi… There is no shortcut in life, the journey that’s matter!

Rasanya seperti kehilangan bayi yang diasuh selama satu tahun, dia besar lalu menghilang dari pangkuan. Rasa kemudian adalah hampa… apalagi berikutnya… otak yang semula terkuras siang malam, lalu berhenti bekerja keras, dia lupa pada kerja kerja kecil yang juga butuh perhatian. Saya lebih sering hang, hilang dari radar percakapan bahkan seminggu setelah disertasi pergi untuk mendapati nilainya.

Setelah itu pesta dan pesta, selamatan atas perjuangan yang ‘selesai’ lalu pesta-pesta perpisahan menyusul berikutnya. Satu satu kawan berkawan pergi menghilang kembali ke kampung halaman meninggalkan kenangan. Tangis menangis kembali terjadi saban kali salah satu dari kami pergi, pelukan hangat yang menjadi lebih panjang karena entah kapan kami akan berbagi cerita lagi. Semua berjanji akan selalu berkirim kabar, tapi semua sadar itu nyaris sebuah wacana. Kampung halaman akan membuat kami semua sibuk dengan kehidupan lama dan tantangan baru yang menanti untuk dijalani.

Sesedihnya saya yang bakal meninggalkan London, kampung halaman menanti dengan sebuah tantangan baru. Lagipula, saya yakin bakal kembali ke kota ini suatu hari nanti. Barangkali untuk Phd? Hayoo diamini…