London is You!


Hossein said, you are not the queen of the library, Nita. You are the library. You are utterly blended with the library! On the chair, the table, the wall, the books!

It is so beautiful and surreal which is will be good for my next novel. Thanks Hossein, my dearest friend. However, the same thing happens with you and London. For me, you are London itself. You are blended with London. Every corner of London reminds me of you. Suddenly God is running out of ideas of creating people faces because all I can see is you! I was half running at Oxford Street because I was following your smell. My brain keeps playing memories of ours in every street, every line, every building we passed, every restaurant we stopped and ate. You were in every moment I spend in London.

My time in London ended yesterday with your funeral.

I said goodbye the Trafalgar square, Canada House, Topman, Convent Garden, Oxford Circus, Oxford Street. As my 453 stopped on the Parliament Square and the bridge, I heard you say, ‘have you tried the London Eye? I did in 2009. It’s okay if you haven’t. It was not that amazing anyway.’ I said goodbye to London Eye and Southbank with tears.

How did you expect me to enjoy London when you were not here anymore! A whole year we spent, those amazing adventures in London was with you.

‘Don’t you just love London, Nita? The city that allows you to be yourself, give you freedom to do whatever. Sad we are not rich, we couldn’t enjoy London as much as we want. This city is overwhelming for a student like us!’

I enjoyed London because there are friends with me, and one of the amazing friends was You! Everyone is leaving eventually, and you left already! But the memories will stay forever.  You introduced London to me, as like you helped me to find myself. I found myself and you are part of me.

I got the best of London!

I enjoyed five plays; Hamlet, Harry Potter, 1984. Two of them were with you at Goldsmiths. One is the open air play.

I enjoyed two concerts: 2Cellos and Hozier. Oh and the free jazz festival at Royal Hall Southbank

I went to places; Peak District, Oxford (you once said the place will be such a boring place to live in), Brighton, Kent, Margate, Dorset, Portsmouth, Leeds and you were eager to listen to all the adventures I had there.

You took me to the fancy private club for movies screening, book review or just chillin’ inside. ‘How come you always look good with the fancy outfit and I am not?!’ and you replied,’ who cares about the look! You can wear anything that makes you comfort. And you look fine! Okay!’

I had friends from all over the world. One big family that just lost one of its members L

I went to the gay club! Woohoo… it was fun! Then the Nottinghill Carnival J

I tried all the transportations mode London has – train, tram, cable car, a ferry and busses.

Of course, I got the best course, best supervisor, best classmates I could ever ask for.

My life has been amazingly wonderful this year and the best part of it is to have you as my friend! I miss you a lot, every day! Saying goodbye in front of your coffin was the hardest thing to do after my dad 2003.

My time in London is up. I am going home within hours.

Yesterday, I was walking to your funeral wearing my best dress. The dress for my engagement day, then on the day I heard that you passed away and yesterday on your funeral. I felt like Bridget Jones on Daniel Cleaver (Hugh Grant) funeral that turned to be a fake one.

You don’t know how much I wanted to be the same, that it was just a fake death, that our life is just a movie where in the end everyone is still alive. And if it is all just a dream, it was a beautiful dream and I will wake up, and everything will be just fine.

This year has been so surreal for me, so wonderful, so amazing and tomorrow my real life will wake me up and I know I will never be the same person. I will be a better one.



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