A Year of Re-Thinking of Your Life, Past – Present – Future


What if you have a chance to restart your life from the scratch? Would you like to do it? Years before I got myself in London, I told Evan my best friend that maybe just maybe one day I will come with him to Europe, leaving everything that I have behind and start all over again from none. I will be alone, lonely but surely I have me completely. How hard it can be to starts a new beginning.

Well it is not too different than what I have right now. I am alone in London with no my best friends and my love around. I started to study and read non-fiction books, things that I had left since 2001… 14 years ago! Meeting new people, new friends, making connections and a friend start making song for me… Nita here, Nita there, Nita is everywhere. Where basically I am just here, at the library J

Then I met new friend, Sam on Sunday Climate Change March and he dragged me back to my deepest dream of becoming a farmer, living in a village, surrounded by veggies and smell of shits from the animal husbandry, while continuing writing my novel, going to the college or school for lecturing, travel sometimes to meet other community to share. He is living in my dream life, how envy I am… I do have Sarongge, and still hope I might stay there a bit longer and have my own farm somehow somewhere…

And I still have 9 months left. I have a break from my routine life in Jakarta and Bandung, no traffic, no sweat, no ojek, no bubur ayam, no marathon meeting from breakfast until late dinner. The feeling is like a wave, sometimes high, most of the time low tide… the thing that I miss most is the sun… to be honest.

I don’t know what I am going to do with my future. Somehow I just feel like to ignore plans, but I know I have to make one. Looking for the Phd opportunity is one of them or going back to Indonesia just like what I had planned before, making change and becoming the future leader just like the scholarship tagline… but just like Lord Chris said, ‘You can’t be the leader of others if you can’t be a leader to yourself.’

Right now, right here…. I am not the leader of myself. My brain and my heart are refused to work together while essay deadline is approaching. I have 9 months to think about the future meanwhile, I am just going to enjoy my days here with books, essays, caffeine, Gramatik and Parov Stellar.



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